Killers amongst us (2/20/26)

 

I’m standing in front of a

bouquet of flowers, 

                        and a display case

      of sandwiches, croissants, 

                        scotcheroos, 

 

I’m standing somewhat

            impatiently

                        w/ memories

            of past experiences, 

                        I’d rather not 

                               recall,

Reading the names of the

            teas           as

               the elderly lady tries

                   her stack of cards.

 

American Express…   tap it   -Declined

            try to slide it…

            Declined.

            try to stick in in the card reader…

            Declined.

She returns the card to the bottom of the stack.  (I notice her VA –ID amongst the others)

 

Citibank   -Declined.

            try to slide it…

            Declined.

            try the card reader…

            Declined.

Another to the back of the stack.       (her elderly friend comes over)

 

Visa     -Declined.

            try to slide it…

            Declined. 

            try the card reader…

            Declined.         

Another to the back of the stack.         

 

I watch the barista continue to make their coffee, 

-wave him a few $20s

 After all, I came to the 

            neighborhood  because of increased ICE reports, 

            clearly I want to be the 

            hero.

I tell her not to worry –and hand him my cash

            

She doesn’t understand and 

            pulls out her check book.

 

The barista says

                        he paid for you.

 She and her friend thank me, 

            but one more graciously, 

            she turns and plants 

                        herself   -  square

"You paid for the coffee of a flying killer

                        you should know that."

 

            oh? *I ask awkwardly

 

“When I trained pilots

            at the air academy, 

            that’s what we’d tell people… "  

 

(I’m intimidated by an octogenarian)  ...her friend thanks me again, pulling her arm, 

 

she stays square off. 

-letting me know 

            no man had ever saved her, 

            she is her own hero, 

            her own killer if need be, 

 

“Mostly I just kill flies and mosquitos though…”

 

...I thank her for her service. 

"...when I speak my knees bowed" (fall 2025?)

 

…when I speak with such great authority

when I speak my thoughts already three

       sentences ahead

when I speak mimicking the creator  

       when I speak the anxious babbler

when I speak tongue tied and twisted

       when I speak blessing and curses

              when I speak, the teacher, the nurturer

when I speak amalgamated sources 

              when I speak the child, the elder

when I speak mumbles and laughter

       when I speak, the silence, the holder

              when I speak vocal fry and valley girl

when I speak calmly and half smiled-soothing 

       when I speak validation or judgment

when I speak the sound of my Mother

       when I speak the gifts, of loved ones

when I speak a slip of the accent, a foreign lingua

             when I speak a muse come through me

when I speak, a plea and a prayer.

* the title is a song lyric from Jeremy Enigk from "Shade and the Black Hat" - "can they hear me (?) when I speak, my knees bowed."  He also says the line "can they hear me, when I speak my tongue's tied." Which is why I darkened that line.

*how to help, when to help

My mind is blank, 
yet underneath I
know there are caverns
full of words, adjoining
rooms, hallways of doors, 
some just closets, others
ballrooms, lounges, 
meditative spaces.

I pass judgment
and analyze,
I listen to my guts tumbling, 
my shoulders rolling
into their vice grip
position.

 

We take sides, draw lines, 

dig trenches, divide

and conquer.

All the while

I’m just trying to

say is this a 

true fit

            or a moment

            of despair

and if it’s the latter don’t call it sacred. 

*found this in my hand writing on a scrap of paper and I don't know when it is from...

Phoenix (Feb 2026 work in progress?)

What will you rise for?

What calls you from sheets, 

and the fantastic unreality,

calls you back into connection

with singed wings, flaunting 

and bright as the sun,

tail feathers, a smile on your beak

a home in your heart, not yet created...

 

Will it be a grail

of your own design,

or a passion

pressed upon you

by a world in need of guidance,

of purification, 

of…