Saturday, March 07, 2020

(July 2018)


Darling,
     When every exhausted muscle is
     solidifying into its angry strain,
          what words can I offer, 
                    what amusements or reassurances, 
          to bow you over in laughter
                    or cathartic release, 
          to remind you that you've done
                    everything in your power thus far
          and perhaps offer a lens
                    to reconcile your needs, 
          with a world that seems
                    so ceaselessly demanding?

(Sept 2019)



It used to be we,
and the we was expansive,      growing

Me and you,
that's why my heart hurts
My ego desires an 'or'
My soul knows a self oriented comma
would do
My mind is still rattling with question marks

(Nov 2019)

I've got no job,
no kids,
no partner,
no pets,
paid the rent,
and no substantial debts,
in need of nourishment,
yet of these prospects,
I'm circumspect,
tell me which
is heaven sent
and I swear
I'll bend my will, this time
for the blessing.

Rot (Jan 2020)

Attached to the pain, the dirtiness, the regret and guilt.
I don't find myself dwelling on the positives, but the putrid.
This is the bond of trauma, the vortex, 
sharing this pain doesn't cause connection, 
only further cutting away, 
it doesn't expand, 
it doesn't shift the paradigm to that which was once unseen, 
it blocks and distorts, 
maligns the beautiful, 
sours the sweet,
In desire to pair the complex notes,
another spoiled batch, 
only one way to find a better match,
move forward. 

Dissipate (Feb 2020)

I dedicate this to you,
            but first, 
                        fire
            -scorch the earth collected 
            blow out the flame, 
                  watch,     inhale,   let go

the whispers reach heavenward,       
the scent broadens through the space,
-and with it,
the taste of
            the first painful bite
            an outline traced
            as plumes of smoke
            recreate your face
a memory, 
            twirls, salutes
                    twists into nothingness
                                                let go

snakes across my collar bone, 
            knotting into my chest, 
branching across the bridge of my nose
to aggravate my eyelashes
                                                let go

cascades, 
            diving, colliding this;
                        sorrow swirls,
            taut and flaring,
                        a maelstrom uprooting
                                                let go

                        watch them narrow, eddy
            watch them divide,
forked fingers,            fearful
            bent knuckles, twisting,
                        tapping the vaporous
            scratching 
                        until dissolution 
                  watch,     inhale,   let go.