I question her motives…
Do you give up pieces of yourself
To feed the starving tummies?
To reach some sort of balance
In the world?
To throw off shackles?
To make space for others?
To find yourself?
Find God?
The meaning of life?
Do you give yourself
So unquestioning
To provide?
To create?
For justice?
To truly live?
She replies…
To fit in these jeans
To fit in
To feel comfortable
To be confident
Beautiful
To not HATE myself!
To do this…
She starves
Takes from herself – the
Ability to succeed, leeches
The beauty from her cheeks,
Hips, arms, legs, stomach,
Chokes the breath
Rips it away from her brain –her organs
She bleeds, while not bleeding
She leaves us, while claiming
Shes not leaving
((((((this will be a painting... some of you have seen the draft... im sorry if this offends... i was writing to my parents about this issue recently... actually about me and this issue, about my own personal struggles... and i realized that this poem... written in a few moments of extreme frustration was in a lot of ways showing my own struggle. I always claimed that I was fasting.. a sort of spiritual stuggle to overcome the body's needs (and i still think this way) but it doesnt explain the feelings when i look in the mirror, my disgust at stepping on scales etc... and though most of this is changing or has left in a lot of ways because of my interactions with other's problems... its interesting that i dont contrast healthy thoughts with "disordered thoughts" but rather these pseudo "rationalized" motives i used to use for the same exact purpose (to lose weight)--as if they are so much better... as if that would make it ok.
Anyway in my letter to my parents I tried to explain how confused i used to get... in spiritual quests.... how i always wanted to be loved and be a great person... and a part of this was to be free of needs... but part of this meant being attractive....
anyway i would like to apologize to those who's motives i criticize... but i still think this is an interesting poem/picture...)))))
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