the black one (fall 2005)

Everyday, I run across that magnificent Arab
At the end of the line
He greets me with a snort
And paces…
Showing his Displeasure Ears Rolled back
He wonders bout his Safety…
Cuz in Solitude he stands…
Separate
Distanced from his pleasure
His pleasure
Where’s my food? My shelter?
Where's my security?
Where's my sensation of a safety net?
Where's the Attention I once Commanded But never demanded

He breathes heavy
Shouldering bricks of dissatisfaction
Where’s my pleasure?
The leisure to lead, proceed, exceed our desires
Where are you? He breathes heavy
Where are you?
Oh He breathes heavy
As if the Air in his deep chest
Don’t compare to what was once there
He breathes So heavy Comparing air to air yet still he feels it lacking
Lacking the comfort of someone to roam with, talk to, and moan with
Someone who shares his discomfort so that it hardly seems there it all!
Distance!
Distance is what he feels now
So Distant he’s defensive
That’s right he breathes heavy now Ears rolled back
He retaliates
Please you? I please me now!
He reciprocates
So insecure he presumes fear now!


And pacing like a true stallion
He’s
Heavy breathing
Heavy and impatient
Heavy breathing
Heavy without complacence
Heavy breathing
Heavy with fortitude
Heavy like he’s been fractured
Heavy frightening heavy fierce and flagrant
Heavy deceiving all so he’s not perceived as stagnant
Heavy breathing like the world owes him something!

Heavy breathing facing down his fear of something - something
Unfelt in So long and he got used to not believing it

Or maybe faithfully
He chose to remain ignorant
So faith-lessly he’s a feared of being alone while
He’s questioning all that he believed now
And Wondering
Why He’s not the one you need now?


*****This is once again, more of a performance, and im sure the spacing will be messed up but the old stuff should help get the point across. reading this even now, i was so lost, so heartbroken..
there was this horse in the stable who would pace with me when i was upset.. he would stare and snort and stomp his hooves and i felt like we knew exactly what was going on... later i found out he has some sort of breathing problem... which kind of ruins it... but at the same time i cant tell you how connected he was to my emotions...******