untitled (michelle?) 1999ish?

She always smelled like cigarettes
And I never saw her eat…
But it didn’t bother me (well a little)
Because she radiated warmth
Even in tears
Even in anger
And she was self centered
But no one noticed
Because,
She was a little
Cute puppy
Lost in the alleys
She cuddled
With strange boys
In dark places
But felt no guilt for it
Nor took any, though many tried
They couldn’t rob her of
Anything she hadn’t already had
Ripped away
She brought with her,
Treasures
No one could see…
Though every time she wrote in them or read from them
You could see she was proud of them,
If not proud of herself.

****the spacing on this will probably get screwed up ----this is the second explanation because I think the first one was a little bit too down on her. I guess in hindsight, and in writing this poem I was doing what I always do with people and tried to show the beauty of this girl who tried to be a woman. She was beautiful, I had a huge crush and never wanted anything from it, it was enough to hang out. I realize now in so many ways I was scared of her, scared of that amount of hurt. I was 14-15 and going through my own shit, I could handle my friends and adored my stragglers who everyone gave me shit for…. But this girl I knew was too much… maybe she was a broken caretaker… maybe that’s why I loved and feared her.
But she was beautiful all the same and I wanted everyone to know that they should love her too. This was published in the Mandala my junior year I think, I was on the art staff so I couldn’t have influenced the decision****