Written in Europa (jan 2006)

Europa (?)

Maybe its the graying days the yellow elephants the tiger stripes, the sunshine raisins, the california raisins, Brigg's raisins, the raise in prices world wide
the globalization the salivation, the personalized privatization
the private moments we share..
maybe its the colorful descriptions
the wall decorations the paintings at which I stare
the closet of wonder
the secrets you ponder
the way you look at me when i'll im really saying is... I care
are secrets mirrored? and televised to be clearer than windows stained golden with tears of the sun?
are portraits self painted, tourists as self hated as purists and chandeliers swing from above?
why is it safer
to run and displace
his feelings while tracing
the path of his first rising star,
shattered and wonderfully embraced from a far,
soothing and moving, flying and gliding
like pigeons in train stations held at arms length
to take pictures mid flapping and drastically trapped and confused
shattering our views
we see in hesitation only the whiteness of doves
and when you race by concerned or elated
I feel as if fated
to turn to my partner
and proclaim my love.


****mix of feelings and thoughts on this trip, Briggs is an author I was reading, its funny because I think there are moments in here where Im specifically talking about one person, but its that person because at the time they were representing everything that was going on.. so despite the “shattered” part being about me and Becky breaking up and me feeling like I was lost, and the part of “wonderfully embraced from a far,” being about Alexis reassuring me, --despite that--- I completely include Becky and many others in that embracing the i think especially my friends at home, and the 3b cats and the india trip people, which is why despite the “partner” thing, that part is about everyone I love, (and im sorry if that hurts, or you think its bullshit) but I was just thinking about how when beautiful things hit me I want to share it with everyone. But in a way that they specifically feel like they can share that beauty. Like I want to specifically share it with them… because its true.
The pigeons here fly right by your head, and its beautiful (a little scary) but you feel sometimes like you have this moment you connect with them, like in a picture just a snapshot of beauty… those pigeons are so much more beautiful than we give them credit for..
As far as the first rising star and the first few lines above it, I was wondering why I ran back to Europe, as if I could learn who I was again… because I had forgotten.
But no this is mostly just about beauty and love, and wanting to share it. (hope no one is disappointed)