too long (2005)

Oh its been too long, singing songs about our where abouts
but not quite knowing about where we’re from,
still giving shout outs.
Placing a significant pressure on our self esteem
Blowing our studies off till we know that we have lost our dreams
Sacrificing self and soul and sound for outer confidence
Placing our pride in piles producing crap
cuz we can’t accomplish shit.
Panic stricken we lose lust for life and start in with the sedatives
Look around, all are down, realize the pain and hurt is relative.

Oh its been too long without a rebound, a sound,
Something to do at the burial mound
Up town, down town west east it’s the same
The places change only cuz we call it by a new name.
Forget the pain girl you been carrying it too long
Sing a new song, change the lyrics and move along
Your soul is in a new position rich vulnerable and delicate
Still holding bricks on your shoulders cuz u think that shit is relevant
Personal style and such aside, we need a new source of pride, ability to bullshit compounded by the fact that I lied,
Pretending were not the same, is a vice a source of shame and if you want my opinion well in laymen’s terms I think its lame

Its been too long since I had something real to talk about
I write to think things through but find that I cant figure these things out
What joy to bring courageously to enhance the setting the table
End up adding imagined circumstance to this already imagined fable
Perplexingly we shout out loud and scream and shoe our security
Duct taping as I go, as if these things were new to me
impunity a guarantee we got purity in need
feeding lies to the sovereign as if we lead

*****there are some sage francis lines in here, basically this was an attempt to write when I wasn’t feeling good but couldn’t think up anything to write about.
A break down: most of the first paragraph is about being down and not wanting to do anything to the point where it gets worse and worse, and part of the reason it gets worse is because we are afraid to work through it, but then when we do (especially when with others) we realize that we are all going through the same things.
The second paragraph is about what I was going through at the time, and wanting things to be better.
The third is about my struggle to put things together.. when im down, I tend to pretend that im still good, and can help people but when im truly down im incredibly lost.. at the same time I always feel fake when im down, because I often know why and cant change it, so I feel like im faking life at the time… as far as the last few lines they don’t fit and I don’t know why they are there. Except maybe that I felt like I was trying to help people who seemed a lot more put together than I felt.